that "torture" song again

Js wen I thot I ws over…my god, it’s already been months since I’ve told kristy dt I’m all over him (yeah right..gugma na sad)…dt kristy cn now mention his name n dt we cn now freely talk about him without me hurtin’…it went well for the past few months…as in, i cn go on a day without him in my mind, ndi lng day, weeks pa n even months pa ha…success!!!

Pro grabe tlga powers ng song na yun..tsk! tinest ko kc sarili ko kung k na ba tlaga ako n I sed to myself: “k na!”..kya I bravely push the forward arrow of my c.d. player n der goes d lyrics…

namulat ako, at ngayo’y nag-iisa
pagkatapos ng ulan

kaya ko pa at first…hanggang sa umabot na ng chorus…

sa kanya pa rin babalik
sigaw ng damdamin
sa kanya pa rin sasaya bulong ng puso ko
kung buhay pa ang alaala ng ating nakaraan
ang pagmamahal at panahon alay pa rin
sa kanya…

Akala ko k na, kc d first tym I played d song prang wla lang pro ng inulit ko ng inulit ng inulit….Shiyet!!!! Tumagos!!!!

Hahay js wen I thot I ws over him...d pa rin pala….nobody cn ever ever pantay his rating in my heart…ang taas ng level grabeh!!! huhuhu

ang pagmamahal at panahon alay pa rin
sa kanya

Wherever u r….kahit sinaktan mo puso ko …pilit ko mang sabihin na d ako martyr, na d ako corny..pero gosh! Iba pla talaga pag kasali na ang puso..iba pla talaga pag na inluv na (luv na ba talaga to?)…pilit ko mang ideny sa sarili ko…minsan ko na lang itong sasabihin (so I won’t have a hard time forgetting him)…sa huling pagkakataon…i miss u so much!!!

Life's a game . . .

Yesterday was my bro’s graduation day..at last! graduate na bro ko at d ryt tym..i min yung d bumagsak ng 1 yr hehehe…nway, dts nt d point of ds article…lam nyo, wyl I was at d ceremony, I was observin’…actually at d first part, syempre there was a thanksgiving mass so me, my parents and my sis attended then after d mass, me n my sis already predicted that it’ll be boring, u know the calling of names of the graduates, so we looked for gwen (my sis’ barkada)..may kapatid din kc na gagraduate) den we went to our past tambayan ng skul, sa cr, sa corridors den sa bench den chika2x…

While we’re having dos chikas...we talked about our schoolmates, hit songs, sex videos n anything under the sun…den wen we were so hooked with our chika galore, I remembered the music teacher who wholeheartedly raised his hands up n down (beat ba tawag don?..watever) wyl d graduates sang the mass songs, den I also recalled the janitors of my alma mater (seeing dem, I realized na miss ko na din cla, part na din kc cla ng buhay ko)who walked down the center aisle coz they’re goin’ to receive their “loyalty award”...kalain mo nga naman, isa don 40 yrs of service na!...so as I recalled all of those…I began taking myself away from the scenario…I’ve been thinking objectively n naisip ko…that it was all a game…I mean, lahat cla na andun sa ceremony ay parang mga taong gawa ng dyos who worked hard for the students…yung teachers, janitors, principal at kung cno cno pa ay parang naglalaro lng pala…n naisip ko tuloy, nganong paliba mn ko sa ila hahaha…dba? I min now that I’ve moved on, marami ng nangyari sa buhay ko…I’ve seen different faces, been to difrrent places n wen I came bak there n saw d ppl dt I was wd during my elem n hs days….they were still there…natawa ako kc ganyan lng pla yan…wen u’re at ur present moment ..u feel like, it was everything at denidicate mo buhay mo to dt certain gawain wholeheartedly…say for exmple, students, stress na stress sa pagiging stujante, u know, assignments, projects, exams, oral recitation n all that jazz…pro f u look at it objectively, everything’s just a game pala kc tayo lng ang gumagawa ng stress sa buhay na pinasukan natin lyk sa pagiging school staff n sa pagiging stujante…dba?...gets nyo point ko?...i mean, if ur not too involved pala sa present situation na kinalalagyan mo…d pala stressful ang life...everything’s a “game” lang pala n it’s just us who complicates d “game”… to d point na we’d do anythin’ js to win the “game”…

So yun lng pla yun…naisip ko na try ko kaya gawin yun sa present ko? U know, wen ur in deep shit, pause for a wyl at mag-isip…Kaya ko lng kc naisip na game lng ang pagiging stujante kc d na ako stujante hehe..easy for me to say no…I ges it wd be healthier na u’d stop for a wyl n take urself from d moment, ur present situation n think objectively…dat way, marami kang marerealize...na everything in ds world ay gawa-gawa lng pala ng tao…na tao lng pala ang may gawa ng everything…trabaho, pag-aaral, kasalanan, problema, pulitika, corruption, etc…tapos rerekla-reklamo tayo kay lord kung may nangyari na d natin nagustuhan…kung ako c lord. I’d anser u…hu u ba? Hehe kaya d ako naging lord…naisip ko tuloy, cguro natatawa c lord pag tinignan nya tayong lahat no?...d way we do things, d way we play d “game”…kung pano tayo gumagalaw, kung pano tayo nabubuhay…yung iba nagnanakaw, yung iba nangongorup pra yumaman…heller? Hehe kinakarir talaga…kya na-isip ko…NAKAKATAWA tayong lahat…masayado nating kinakarir ang lyf hahaha….hahay buhay talaga…

Kaya ngayon, naisip ko bahala na c lord sakin…basta I’ll just play my game in ds world…as in play…not to get too serious, total, the apple will just fall wen its ripe…lam mo yun? everything will just happen if its meant to happen…so now, i’ll try not to get caught into d trap of being too engrossed wd my lyf kc…para lng pala tayong naglalaro d2 sa mundong ibabaw….

what if?

Have u ever felt na wen ur wd a long tym fren na kayo lng dalawa dn all of a sudden, without ur control, ur mind starts asking u…what f? all along…kayo pala?...weird pero dats wat hapend to me one fateful day…

Kc I have a fren..wer not dt close pro we belong to d same crowd kya evrytime na may “gimik” kasama kami…

On one of our laag-laag days…den kmi na lng 2 naiwan…

Dun nag chika2x…it was not at all romantic (of kors no, we’re not dt typ)..kya lng I’d say it was more of “real” or “intimate” (not in a romantic way)…kc we’re talking about our past…our present…n our future…

in fairness no? for d record I never tot na we’d be having dt typ of convos, masyadong serious (If u know wt I mean)…

Then wen I ws deeply pondering kung ano ng nangyari sa buhay ko til I’ve come to d point na nakatunganga na lng, yung titingin ka na lang sa malayo n js savoring each moment e bigla ko na lng narinig ang sarili ko na nagtatanong…wat f? baka lng? Sya pala ang magiging…my god! I cnt even say d word..i mean ang magiging “u know” ko (alam nyo na yun)…at napa isip ako…not bad ha, I mean, we have a lot of things in common, we knew each other since batibot days, we have d same frens, same acquaintances n ang rami pang same…I mean I’ve known him na..not dt grabe pero at least I’ve known him na nga den he’s not bad looking nmn n wenever he’s around I feel comfortable, I feel safe, it’s like, I’m in good hands wd metrobank char joke hehe…u know d feeling?..basta kana…den mkachika ko kung unsa ako gusto ichika…can u feel me?...pero on d second thought, hello??? Hehehe...he’s not my type...tsaka la tlaga akong ma feel na kilig moments din e…lam mo yun? Der’s no chemistry… no electrifying sensation…Yun lang ang nafifeel ko…m comfortable, period…

Pero now dt I’ve assessed dt “thinking” of mine…na-isip ko…maybe I ws js thinking too much…pero still, I can't erase d fact that I’ve welcome the “idea” (shucks)…kaya agen, I heard myself asking…of all d possibilities in d world…what if?...baka lang?...